Normally, I don’t write very many comedies. I find them too difficult to write. However, whenever my patrons choose for me to write one, I do as I’m told. Fortunately, last November I had an epiphany. I love Abbott & Costello. When I wrote Hidden Treasure for my patrons, I took my love of Abbott & Costello and married it with a roll of my story dice and piped it into ChatGPT for some inspiration. After reading the resulting the brief screenplay, I quickly made a unique story introducing my pair of friends, Sebastian and Jimmy. While I haven’t given them last names yet, I’ve returned to this pair on two other occasions in Buried Treasure and Who’s Leading.
When I finished tallying up the results of the genre poll, I was slightly disappointed that I wouldn’t be required to write a comedy. I was a little sad. As a result, I grabbed my story cubes and gave them a toss. Out of the nine pictures, I chose the frog, a boat, and a lighthouse as the seed to craft my next comedy. So I asked ChatGPT to create an Abbott & Costello inspired tale using the seed. The resulting screenplay felt like it could have been plucked straight from one of their movies.
After convincing his friend to join him on a trip, Sebastian envisioned a week of relaxation, good food, and maybe a little adventure. However, he didn’t account for the wildcard, that is his friend’s ability to attract misfortune. As they leaned against the railing, enjoying what should have been a carefree moment, Jimmy revealed the latest complication in his ever-growing list of bizarre dilemmas.
Sebastian stepped up to the railing as he studied the gleaming ocean. A second later, he looked over at his friend and clapped his shoulder. “How are you doing, Jimmy?”
A wry chuckle emanated from his friend’s mouth as his cupped hands slid up to his chest. He peered at Sebastian while keeping his eyes on what he was holding. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
“We’re taking a trip. What’s there to feal bad about?” Sebastian asked as he slapped the railing. He leaned against it and thumped Jimmy’s chest. “We’re about to enjoy a cruise. Can’t you relax?”
Jimmy opened his hands, revealing a frog. “I’m pretty sure this fellow is bad luck.”
Rolling his eyes, Sebastian rose and gripped Jimmy’s shoulder as he wiggled his finger over the animal. “What are you talking about!? It’s just a frog. You can’t provide for the thing. Why not release it?”
“It’s mine,” Jimmy said, pulling the frog away from Sebastian. “When I first grabbed it, I thought it was lucky. However, ever since, I’ve had nothing but a run of bad luck.”
“What are you babbling about now? It’s just a frog!”
“No sooner had I picked it up than a seagull nearly slammed into my head.”
“You grabbed the thing’s lunch,” Sebastian said, slapping his friend’s shoulder with the back of his hand. “What did you expect?”
“As soon as we got on board, I stubbed my toe on the railing.”
“Coincidence,” Sebastian said, shaking his head.
Jimmy shook his head as he licked his lips. “Then what do you call me tripping over that lady’s purse? I didn’t fall onto her or anything, but as soon as I was on my feet, she slapped me!”
“That wasn’t bad luck. It was just you being careless.” Sebastian sauntered over to the ship’s wall and leaned against it. “However, if you think it’s bad luck, just let it hop away.”
“It’s my frog,” Jimmy said, shoving the creature into his coat’s pocket.
When he released his grip on the frog, it poked its head out and sprang free, landing squarely on the broad shoulders of a man with a scruffy salt-and-pepper beard. The man stiffened, his hand twitching toward his shoulder. Slowly, he turned, his glare locking onto the two friends. “Did one of you two troublemakers throw a frog at me?”
“No, sir,” Sebastian said, raising his hands.
“Certainly not,” Jimmy said, stepping toward the man as he reached for the frog. “Well, it is my frog.”
The moment Jimmy’s fingertips neared the amphibian, it hopped up onto the stranger’s head. The newcomer shoved Jimmy back, taking a deep breath as he steadied himself. “Why’d your frog just jump onto my head?”
“I was trying to get it off.”
The stranger’s other hand swung up, racing towards the frog. However, as his hand neared the animal, it croaked and leaped off the stranger’s head and into a passing passenger’s drink. The woman screamed and threw the drink, including the frog, at a nearby server. While the drink hit the waiter’s shoulder, the frog landed on the platter of food. With a gasp, the server dropped the tray, and the fog hopped onto the nearby buffet table. Instantly, the staff behind the counter started swatting at the invader, but it jumped about the table, ignoring the cries and splatters of food.
The stranger wiped his face and inhaled deeply before fixing Jimmy with a narrowed gaze. “You brought a bad omen onto my ship?”
“Oh, you’re the captain?” Jimmy flinched as the commotion intensified. He backed away from the captain as he raised his hands. “I didn’t realize you were the captain. But it’s just a frog.” As another crash boomed, Jimmy’s hands crept higher. “Well, I was beginning to think it might be bad luck.”
“How dare you,” the captain said as he lunged for the troublemaker.
Fortunately for Jimmy, he sidestepped the captain’s grasp. Unfortunately for the captain, his momentum carried him over the railing and into a lifeboat. Jimmy whirled around and looked down. “Hold on, Captain, I’ll help you out.” Jimmy climbed over the railing and bent down. When he leaned down to reach the captain, his grasp slipped, and he tumbled down beside him. As soon as Jimmy sat up, the boat dropped a few feet.
Sebastian leaned over the railing, his jaw practically unhinged as he pointed toward the chaos. “How’d you set off that chain of events?”
As the small boat swayed, the captain climbed to his feet and loomed over Jimmy. Immediately, Jimmy started clambering toward the front of the boat. “Sebastian, do something!”
“What do you want me to do?!”
“What do you think? Get a ladder! A net! I’d even settle for a priest!”
As Sebastian turned, searching for anything to assist his friend and the captain, the ropes holding the lifeboat snapped. Instead of plummeting into the water, it crashed onto the next deck, right onto another buffet table, sending desserts flying. And unfortunately, one of the cakes landed right on the captain’s head. He dropped to the small boat’s seat and wiped the food from his face, throwing it onto the ground as he glared at his unlucky companion inside the emergency craft.
Jimmy eased himself out of the small boat as he licked his lips. “Change my thought to a conviction. The frog is indeed bad luck.”
The captain scratched at his dirty beard and shook his head as he closed his eyes. “You and your friend are officially banned from this cruise.”
Sebastian hurried over and groaned when he spotted his friend. He grabbed Jimmy’s arm and pulled him away from the captain. “Let’s leave before he demands we’re tossed overboard.”
“They can’t do that.”
Sebastian pointed at a nearby sign that read, Captain has the right to throw disruptive passengers overboard. Jimmy sighed and dusted the cake crumbs off his shirt. “Figures. First trip in ages and a frog gets me exiled.”